Transparency

Yes, that is an "underwears" hat that Elijah is wearing! He thought it was SOOO funny.

Honestly, I don't know how he is doing it. I don't know how he has held it together these past three months. He has had some help, no doubt, but the weight of the burden of taking care of 8 children all with disabilities is hard to imagine. I have been rotating kids through here at the apartment. The two I have had for the weekend don't sleep. Their FASD is so evident... especially when I have had a chance to step away from my life and then get a glimpse of it with new eyes. Kaden slept for 2 hours. That is it. Jordan slept for 3 hours and then in the morning, was tired and slept again. Combined with the overnight cares that Elijah requires, I am running on empty.

Mark has done that every day for three months...alone. FASD is draining...even when a family is intact and functioning well. It has a way of driving you crazy in ways you can't imagine if you don't live with it on a day to day basis. Caring for those who are effected by disabilities is draining..but God has given us just what we needed to get through. And we would do it again all over if asked by God..in a heartbeat.

We are transparent around here. We share the good times and the rough ones, because when I am transparent with others, I am better able to let go of trying to preserve some image that isn't real. When I am transparent with others, I can be transparent with myself. And when I am transparent with myself, I can lay my faults, my fears and my failures before God with more honesty and humility. Living with disability isn't always pretty, but it is always worth it. There are times when I wish I could stuff all my junk back in and pretend for a bit that I am not a mess, but I am thankful that I am not able to.

 I value honesty about what it means to follow Christ. If we don't represent Him with truth, then we are really not representing Him at all. And besides, it takes far too much energy trying to keep up an image that isn't real..and I just don't have time for that. So, sometimes, I wonder if I share too much of our struggles, our doubts and our fears. But, I know that there are others out there that feel unlovable, undeserving of God's love...and I want them to know..

That God will  be there when you call out His name..

and that He wants you to come to Him just the way you are...

...with all of mess you have created, with all the fears, and doubts that lie within your heart.

...He wants you to know that you are never out of His reach..NEVER.

He loves you...just the way you are.



He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40

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