Saturday, September 25, 2010
Fifteen years ago, I anguished over sending my (almost) 3 year old on the special education school bus for preschool. I followed it to school the first week to make sure she was okay getting off the bus. McKenna couldn't talk or even walk yet. How would anyone else know what to do with my little girl who needed me so much? It was like no other experience I had ever gone through. I remember imagining that I was holding McKenna safely in the palm of hand...because of her fragile health and disability, she needed even more than my other children. Only Mark and I held her whole story...only we understood the depths of sorrow and joys that she had experienced.
And now it was Maisy's turn to step onto those giant bus steps and head off to preschool. She was excited. She had been talking about it for days. It helps to have 8 older siblings to pave the way for her. But this was Maisy. She had spent two thirds of her life on a ventilator. Who could they possibly know her (and love her) like we do? How can we let her go so soon? She was so excited to go, but I knew that she didn't have the whole story. I knew that when that bus actually arrived, that the reality that she would be going to school all by herself would set in. She would have to say goodbye to her Mommy and Daddy. Once the fun began at school, I knew she would settle in just fine. But for the moment, I saw something in her eyes that spoke volumes.
When the bus arrived, that look of carefree delight faded. Her big brown eyes looked liked saucers as she grabbed onto the hand rail and took giant steps up the school bus stairs. As she looked back at us, by heart could have broke if it wasn't for the simple realization that came over me.
My sweet, sweet Maisy had a Mom and Dad who she couldn't imagine life without. She has brought such a depth of joy and gratitude to our family, we could not imagine a day without her. She is such a joy to us that I hadn't thought of how much a family has meant to her. I had taken that for granted. Miss Maisy has a family...forever. And she feels it right down to the core of her being. She belongs...she is cherished...she has a family. The process of her adoption into our family was complete. And on the steps of that bus.. at that moment when she looked at us with those big brown eyes, I could see that there were only two people that mattered to her right then..her Mommy and Daddy. What a privelege it is to be her Momma. What a profound moment it was...
at 9:33 PM