When we first received the diagnosis of autism for Elijah, I grieved. I felt like we were being robbed of our little boy--that the autism and it's challenges would steal from us what "could have been." I thought, "any other diagnosis, but not this one" as I wrestled with what the future would hold for my son. I was so afraid that I would not know my little boy because I would not be able to see him through the autism. My grief could have stolen away from me more than the autism ever could.
My sweet little boy has not been stolen. He is right here in front of me. He has challenges way beyond what any of us have been asked to deal with. Often, he is fearful, overwhelmed, and misunderstood. But he is a little boy who is not defined by his autism, or his Schwachman Siamond Syndrome, or his XYY syndrome. He's my son.... smart, funny, obedient, mischievious, intense, loving and amazing. Undeniably, autism and the characteristics that often come with it are evident in Ellijah--disordered sensory input, difficulty communicating, hand flapping, running, humming, He has learned ways to cope with the overwhelming sensory input that he can not manage.
Before all the other kids were out of school for the summer, we decided to take the little ones somewhere fun for the day. When we asked Elijah where he wanted to go, he quickly said that he wanted to "Go to the zoo to see animals." Because communication is so difficult for Elijah, we were thrilled that he was able to answer this question so clearly. We set off to bring him to the zoo. On the way, we decided to stop at a park that is on the river by our house. He loved throwing the rocks in the water. He didn't want to stop. It was a perfect day and we were enjoying it so much at the park, that we decided to skip the zoo and just stay there...after all, we did see lots of birds and squirrels...wouldn't that count? In my mind, I thought that he wouldn't even notice that we didn't go to the zoo because he was having so much fun. Wrong. The next day. I asked him where we went yesterday. He looked at me with his big grin and said "The not-zoo." We laughed so hard and he laughed along with us...continuing to tease us with his statement. I have learned my lesson--never assume he isn't aware of everything that is going on just because he has limited means of communicating to us!
The gift of Elijah. That is a precious and delicate gift. His autism is a mystery, but he is not...and none of it is a mystery to God. He is an incredible little boy who could beat you at a game of concentration anytime. He will read all the road signs for you if you would like (and even if you would rather he didn't!) Don't forget that so many of the inventions, musical compositions and works of art would not have been in existence if it wasn't for those who shared Elijah's diagnosis. Elijah is unique in so many ways...and just one of those unique characteristics is his autism. May we never lose sight of the child that is layered underneath the disability.
I will praise God today for Elijah and for his autism. I wasn't sure I would be able to say these words when we first started on this journey with him. But, God knew...and as I have removed the layers that God had wrapped this gift in, I found His strength, His compassion, and His gifts of grace and mercy for each new day.
