Boys and fire seem to go together. Mine are fascinated with the flames and love a good roaring bonfire at our house. I warn them not to get too close, not to burn the stick they are playing with to close to their hand. They don't always listen unless they have ever experienced a burn. Then they listen. But it doesn't always stop them. Not unlike our life as a Martindale..
I imagine that there are times when people look into our family and wonder why. Why would someone keep throwing themselves in the fire. Duh..that hurts...so why do we keep doing it over and over? In the midst of the pain, I wonder why sometimes as well. I know what it is like to try and sooth a child in pain, to love a child that is hard to love, to face a principal when a child has just misbehaved..again...and to love a child into eternity...and it all hurts.
But, when I am in the midst of the flames, I watch God refine my heart..I see the impurities of pride and selfishness flake off little by little and melt into rubble. When I am holding Isaac, and suffering with him, my first reaction is selfish..I wonder why this is happening and I grumble to myself that I should not have to go through this again. But, quickly, I find myself filled with compassion for those who will not leave this hospital with the baby that they just welcomed into this world. I find my heart in Haiti, with the suffering that I have never been asked to experience. And yet, the flames also shine light on the impurity that is so evident in my life. There is so much refining to be done.
When we have stepped into the fire for an orphan who needed a home, I see the refining process of my heart working. I am humbled and reminded that this is not about me...this is about glorifying our Lord. The flames do not consume me...they expose my weak and selfish heart only to bring me closer to Him.
I am thankful for the fire...and for the One who does not allow me to be consumed by the flames.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Overnight update
Isaac screamed into about 3:30 am..he arched so badly that when he finally fell asleep his back was not even touching the bed, his head arched uncomfortably back and his arms where in the air. We finally got an order to add the ativan back along with the morphine and valium. He has been sleeping really well ever since. The pain/palliative care doctor is scheduled to come in around 8:30 this morning and I am anxious to have them sort things out with us.
The kindness of friends I have never met has been amazing. Even as I attempted unsuccessfully to help Isaac in his pain, I could feel that those around there were praying and lifting us up. I know God has a plan in this pain...and for now I am thinking of others who have suffered even more. Imagine what the mothers and children in Haiti have endured since the earthquake. Imagine the moms and children in the slums in Africa...having watched child after child suffer and die. Imagine Mary who watched her son, Jesus, betrayed, and murdered with out a thing she could do to stop it. The timing of this trial in our lives is not being wasted on us...and we will pray that God continues to reveal all that he wants us to learn through it..
The kindness of friends I have never met has been amazing. Even as I attempted unsuccessfully to help Isaac in his pain, I could feel that those around there were praying and lifting us up. I know God has a plan in this pain...and for now I am thinking of others who have suffered even more. Imagine what the mothers and children in Haiti have endured since the earthquake. Imagine the moms and children in the slums in Africa...having watched child after child suffer and die. Imagine Mary who watched her son, Jesus, betrayed, and murdered with out a thing she could do to stop it. The timing of this trial in our lives is not being wasted on us...and we will pray that God continues to reveal all that he wants us to learn through it..
